Holy Water And Other Stuff

I’d like to know how potent and effective holy water is.

I’d like to know whether the Pope has greater blessing powers than a simple priest.

I’d like to know how far a drop of holy water would reach in the ocean.

Would the entire ocean be blessed, along with the rest of the oceans on the planet?

Does a gallon of holy water have more reach than just one drop?

And if I throw holy water on the ground, would the entire Earth be blessed, too?

Along with all animals and humans in the world, including a heretic like me?

And if I’m blessed with a drop of holy water, for how long will I be blessed?

And if I’m blessed a second before I die, will I be going straight to heaven?

And what if a pregnant woman is blessed? Is her child blessed, too?

What would happen if we injected holy water into all criminals in the world?

What if I cook food with holy water? Would germs, viruses, bacteria, microbes, and parasites in my body be blessed, too?

And if they are, can they become benign and not make me sick?

What if the priest is a pedophile? Could he bless the water and forgive my sins?

And what if I confess my sins in advance? Would I have a credit in my favor? Can I use it for future sins?

What if I donate a million dollars to the Church? Would they guarantee me a place in heaven?

What if they can guarantee it, and I still end up in hell? Can I sue them from there?

And what would I do with a million dollars in hell?

And what if I rightfully gain access to heaven, but I refuse to enter because I want to explore the other option? Perhaps heaven is not as good as we think, or hell is not as bad as we imagine.

And what if I go to heaven and I don’t like my neighbors, or they’re mean or boring, or they don’t speak English or Spanish?

What if I don’t like the weather? What if I refuse to be naked, or I want to be nude?

And, before I get there —if I get there — I’d like to know if heaven has a democratic system. And if they do, can we vote for a different God?

Is God supposed to be a perennial leader?

What if he turns out to be a dictator?

Can we get a Goddess for a change?

And if we misbehave in heaven, can we still go to hell?

And if we are good in hell, can we still have access to heaven?

Can we organize a peace treaty between the leaders of heaven and hell to avoid punishment?

Can we alternate our vacations between those two places?

What if they put an ocean in front of hell, with many hotels and casinos, and with a non-stop supply of cold beers and margaritas —now we’re talking.

What if we could be polygamous and be able to reject jealousy? No, that’s a bad idea. We could turn into Sodom and Gomorrah. Well, it all depends on how you see it and where you end up.

Can we have several paradises at different levels? And according to the gravity of the Commandments we break, we get the best or the worst paradise.

However, I still like the hot one, the one with the ocean, the beers, and the margaritas. With no jealousy, no taxes, no punishments, no hangovers, no illnesses, and no regrets.

Either way, I’ll see you in heaven, or hell, or both.




Edmundo Barraza
Visalia, CA.

Jan-2011

Author: Edmundo Barraza

Edmundo Barraza was born in Durango. He grew up in Torreon, Mexico. He now lives in Los Angeles, Ca. Even though he became an American Citizen in 1990, he still considers Torreon his hometown. He was seven when he saw his first movie. The screen was the exterior wall of a church at the top of a hill. A Spanish film about a baby left outside a church by his mother. He never stopped watching movies after that. He began writing short stories in 2009. His love for cinema pushed him to turn his own stories into scripts and then to film. In 2015 he shot his first short film, "The Corpse Is Alive," which won thirteen nominations at different film festivals worldwide. "Drugs And Chocolates" and "The Psychic" have also won numerous awards. Some of his favorite film directors include Luis Buñuel, Federico Fellini, Akira Kurosawa, Ingmar Bergman, Stanley Kubrick, Sam Peckinpah, Alfonso Cuarón, Alejandro González Iñárritu, and many others. His favorite music includes The Beatles, Stevie Wonder, Pink Floyd, The Clash, Temptations, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, and many others. "Playing pool, listening to rock music, and having a beer is great, but reading a book, writing a story, or watching a good film is even better. I hate guns and evil political leaders, racist people too. I love good people. Children are the most precious thing in the world. I aim to shoot a feature film based on one of my stories." Edmundo is married to Consuelo Barraza. They have a daughter and a son, Michelle Solano and Carlos Barraza. View all posts by Edmundo Barraza